As you know, reader, I am a confessed fan of the podcast Maintenance Phase. Even given the moments when their bombshells about, say, Oprah and her “wagon of fat” don’t hit me hard because I am an old who has already had this discourse, Aubrey Gordon and
Have you heard of the 2020 book "The Tyranny of Merit" by political philosopher Michael Sandel? I love how he dismantles the pervasive American idea that anyone can earn their way to success if they try hard enough. While there were a few gaps in the book (it's from a philosophical perspective, but he can't completely escape the influences of being an Ivy-league educated man), it was satisfying to see him articulate the obvious problems with a social attitude that ultimately blames people for their own disenfranchisement.
I also love Maintenance Phase— so much that I subscribe to their Patreon as well, and this episode about Rachel Hollis came with several small to middling epiphanies, the greatest of which when they share Rachel explaining that the only way she could get attention from her preoccupied and chaotic family was to be productive. Wham. That was also the case in my preoccupied and chaotic family— and I realize that’s the narrative I’ve carried into adulthood. I bet the childhood productivity=value equation is what fuels her adult belief about doing and producing and working (even if she isn’t doing the work and even if other problematic factors play in), and you’re right— it needs to stop.
I'm working on a novel, and I got v panicky that my main character didn't want enough things. But, you know, as a Gen X woman, I think I want peace and the quest for balance more than I would want to go do whatever shining grind there is out there. Leaving my character in her current position as a 50-ish woman feeling like the last three decades were an amusement park ride of job, parenting, and questioning herself.
RE: the abuse you experienced in retail, my husband is newly teaching full time at a community college. The teachers are blamed for failing students and low enrollment. He's not going to pass a student who shows up and does zero work. Not gonna happen.
pushing the idea that anyone can do it, too, if they just work hard enough. If it doesn’t happen for you, it’s because you don’t want to work hard enough = Capitalism. It is sinister. We've been brainwashed with so many sinister things. Girl boss = Capitalism.
Perfect. And this is also the same reasoning behind backlash against immigrants, people of color, etc. They have so many disadvantages that it’s impossible to move forward no matter how many hours/jobs they work.
Your last three paragraphs x100, at least. (btw, if you've got any ideas on how I might feel less guilty for all the good fortune that has been outside of my control and is/has been of major effect on my life, send 'em...all I've found so far is trying to be aware, grateful, and help others) And don't get me started on people who seem to think they succeeded and live well without the help of anyone, especially "the government" - which is um, people, doing jobs.... (did you go to a school, have teachers that supported you, clean water, reasonably safe food, do you have lights in your home, feel better because there are ambulances and fire trucks?) I also miss Molly Ivins. Sigh.
Yeah, there are honestly people, relatives, I can't follow on social media anymore and have little desire to be with IRL because they can't admit that they're damn lucky and keep insisting that all they have is just a matter of earning it.
How did you get into my head?! This is the best thing I have read in ages. You expressed what has been percolating in me for ages. It’s not about us -usually women-not bringing our “ A game”.
I agree with you, you are not nuts and you work hard enough.
All this work harder bullshit is also a Sheryl Sandberg “ lean in” principle. I want to slap her for not supporting women.
Have you heard of the 2020 book "The Tyranny of Merit" by political philosopher Michael Sandel? I love how he dismantles the pervasive American idea that anyone can earn their way to success if they try hard enough. While there were a few gaps in the book (it's from a philosophical perspective, but he can't completely escape the influences of being an Ivy-league educated man), it was satisfying to see him articulate the obvious problems with a social attitude that ultimately blames people for their own disenfranchisement.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/50364458-the-tyranny-of-merit
I also love Maintenance Phase— so much that I subscribe to their Patreon as well, and this episode about Rachel Hollis came with several small to middling epiphanies, the greatest of which when they share Rachel explaining that the only way she could get attention from her preoccupied and chaotic family was to be productive. Wham. That was also the case in my preoccupied and chaotic family— and I realize that’s the narrative I’ve carried into adulthood. I bet the childhood productivity=value equation is what fuels her adult belief about doing and producing and working (even if she isn’t doing the work and even if other problematic factors play in), and you’re right— it needs to stop.
Yes! You are so right!
I'm working on a novel, and I got v panicky that my main character didn't want enough things. But, you know, as a Gen X woman, I think I want peace and the quest for balance more than I would want to go do whatever shining grind there is out there. Leaving my character in her current position as a 50-ish woman feeling like the last three decades were an amusement park ride of job, parenting, and questioning herself.
I am shouting a very loud AMEN from the rooftops.
RE: the abuse you experienced in retail, my husband is newly teaching full time at a community college. The teachers are blamed for failing students and low enrollment. He's not going to pass a student who shows up and does zero work. Not gonna happen.
pushing the idea that anyone can do it, too, if they just work hard enough. If it doesn’t happen for you, it’s because you don’t want to work hard enough = Capitalism. It is sinister. We've been brainwashed with so many sinister things. Girl boss = Capitalism.
I have so much I could say about this! But you did a way better job than I could and with charming footnotes. Thank you.
Nailed it.
Perfect. And this is also the same reasoning behind backlash against immigrants, people of color, etc. They have so many disadvantages that it’s impossible to move forward no matter how many hours/jobs they work.
Your last three paragraphs x100, at least. (btw, if you've got any ideas on how I might feel less guilty for all the good fortune that has been outside of my control and is/has been of major effect on my life, send 'em...all I've found so far is trying to be aware, grateful, and help others) And don't get me started on people who seem to think they succeeded and live well without the help of anyone, especially "the government" - which is um, people, doing jobs.... (did you go to a school, have teachers that supported you, clean water, reasonably safe food, do you have lights in your home, feel better because there are ambulances and fire trucks?) I also miss Molly Ivins. Sigh.
I love that podcast, and can't wait to listen to this episode. And also, agree 100 percent with everything you wrote.
Yeah, there are honestly people, relatives, I can't follow on social media anymore and have little desire to be with IRL because they can't admit that they're damn lucky and keep insisting that all they have is just a matter of earning it.
How did you get into my head?! This is the best thing I have read in ages. You expressed what has been percolating in me for ages. It’s not about us -usually women-not bringing our “ A game”.
I agree with you, you are not nuts and you work hard enough.
All this work harder bullshit is also a Sheryl Sandberg “ lean in” principle. I want to slap her for not supporting women.
Well done Adrienne